I apologize in advance if I seem whiny or attention-seeking...I really don't mean to. (Of course you also don't have to read this if you don't want to!) Some of these thoughts have been going through my mind lately as it's been All-County time and I'm spending time with other music teachers and, as always, comparing myself to others.
I seem to be struggling a lot lately with confidence in my abilities as an educator and voice teacher. Since it's been All-County time for the past few weeks, and it has made me contemplate the idea of ever conducting at a festival like that, and how I would be simply terrified. And that makes me sad, because I'm sure at some point I used to think I would love to do something like that! And it's not just that. I just really miss looking forward to choral rehearsals. I miss doing fun exercises and games with the kids. God I hope it gets better with time.
I just get so down on myself about teaching, to the point where I wonder if it's worth it. Even when I teach privately, I'm worried that I'm missing something big that the kid is doing wrong, or that I'm not covering the basics well enough. I am such a WORRIER. And maybe it's better to be a teacher who is concerned instead of a teacher who really doesn't care, but what if the concern is holding me back?
The thing is I know that I'm a good musician and a good singer and a good person, and all three of those things should make for a darn good teacher...but I just don't think I'm there...and I want to be! What can I do to become more confident? Is it getting more experience? Watching others and getting some new ideas? Even if I do get all those things, will I ever really feel like I'm doing a good job, or will I always worry and second guess myself? I would love to sit in a meeting with other teachers and feel confident enough to count myself as an equal...but I'm definitely not there yet.
Seems like a good first step would be to remind myself what my strengths are, and try to go from there...
Monday, March 25, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Chorus woes
So, I love singing, as clearly indicated by the name of this blog. In fact when I went to college I didn't even really know what I wanted to do. I just knew I loved music and I loved to sing. More specifically, I love singing in a choir. I don't even understand people who don't love it as much as I do. It's basically the greatest thing you can do with your time, and I would feel like the greatest person in the world if I could get my kids to feel the same way.
But sadly I have found that in my current position, I don't like, ok, I despise the choral program. I rarely look forward to teaching either of my two choirs (5/6 and 7/8). This is partially due to the schedule and mainly due to my lack of ability to teach this age group.
The deal is I don't get to see my choirs very often. So all of the things that I LOVE doing - fun warm-ups, sight-reading, activities to help us read the music - I feel like I have no time to do any of it because it's just soooo important to get ready for the concert. I find myself just pushing them through to learn the notes and memorize the songs in the little time that we have. And as a result, my rehearsals are lame and unfulfilling and the kids are not learning a darn thing about reading music or vocal technique - two things that are essential to being in a choir!!!!!!!
It's to the point where I'll be sitting in one of my own choral rehearsals and find myself thinking about my students and how they are not getting nearly as much out of Choir as they could be and that I'm depriving these kids of a great experience. (I know it sounds dramatic but that's really how I feel!)
The thing that's hardest for me is the younger kids. I forget sometimes that for most of them, this is the first time they've been in a Chorus. They don't know what it's like to be a good Chorus student - what frame of reference do they have? I am the one who should be teaching them these basic fundamental things, but I find myself NOT doing that! It's like I just expect them to know what to do and when they don't, I just get frustrated and negative. I wish I could find the balance between making my rehearsals fun while still creating a true learning environment.
I know the best answer for me is to stop making excuses and to teach the way I want to. Sure, I don't see them a lot, but that doesn't mean I can't come up with routines to get us warmed up and make them think about their voices. It doesn't mean I can't spend 2 minutes doing a sight-reading exercise or choose one less song to do in the concert. I know that in the long run, it is way better to take the time to teach them how to read music and how to sing correctly.
I'm also in a school where I have a lot of freedom to do what I like with the choral program. So theoretically I could audition all my singers and only take the ones who I know will take it seriously - even in 5th grade. But is that right? Should I give all the young kids a chance, or raise the credibility of the program by adding a screening process? Will this discourage good kids from joining if they're afraid to audition, or will it "weed out" the kids that I get frustrated with?
I'd love to hear your thoughts, as usual.
Almost spring break!
But sadly I have found that in my current position, I don't like, ok, I despise the choral program. I rarely look forward to teaching either of my two choirs (5/6 and 7/8). This is partially due to the schedule and mainly due to my lack of ability to teach this age group.
The deal is I don't get to see my choirs very often. So all of the things that I LOVE doing - fun warm-ups, sight-reading, activities to help us read the music - I feel like I have no time to do any of it because it's just soooo important to get ready for the concert. I find myself just pushing them through to learn the notes and memorize the songs in the little time that we have. And as a result, my rehearsals are lame and unfulfilling and the kids are not learning a darn thing about reading music or vocal technique - two things that are essential to being in a choir!!!!!!!
It's to the point where I'll be sitting in one of my own choral rehearsals and find myself thinking about my students and how they are not getting nearly as much out of Choir as they could be and that I'm depriving these kids of a great experience. (I know it sounds dramatic but that's really how I feel!)
The thing that's hardest for me is the younger kids. I forget sometimes that for most of them, this is the first time they've been in a Chorus. They don't know what it's like to be a good Chorus student - what frame of reference do they have? I am the one who should be teaching them these basic fundamental things, but I find myself NOT doing that! It's like I just expect them to know what to do and when they don't, I just get frustrated and negative. I wish I could find the balance between making my rehearsals fun while still creating a true learning environment.
I know the best answer for me is to stop making excuses and to teach the way I want to. Sure, I don't see them a lot, but that doesn't mean I can't come up with routines to get us warmed up and make them think about their voices. It doesn't mean I can't spend 2 minutes doing a sight-reading exercise or choose one less song to do in the concert. I know that in the long run, it is way better to take the time to teach them how to read music and how to sing correctly.
I'm also in a school where I have a lot of freedom to do what I like with the choral program. So theoretically I could audition all my singers and only take the ones who I know will take it seriously - even in 5th grade. But is that right? Should I give all the young kids a chance, or raise the credibility of the program by adding a screening process? Will this discourage good kids from joining if they're afraid to audition, or will it "weed out" the kids that I get frustrated with?
I'd love to hear your thoughts, as usual.
Almost spring break!
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