A typical Friday night...

Here I am on a rockin' Saturday night, wearing my favorite penguin fleece pajama pants and new favorite hoodie from school. I could not be any cooler.

I've noticed an unfortunate trend in my life that's probably been going on for years.  It seems that every week, I start out feeling relaxed, hopeful and even refreshed to conquer a new week of teaching...

...yet by Friday, I'm generally exhausted, cranky and spend most of the evening thinking about how all of my lessons went that week and everything that didn't go well and all of my weaknesses as a teacher. Like to the point where I really question if I'm doing the right thing with my life and whether or not I should find a new job and let someone else take over who would do better.

Not too fun.

I would love to have a week where I feel the majority of things went well. Perhaps after many years of teaching, this may happen. Who knows? I wonder if anyone else feels this way.

I think my main problem is that I lack confidence, particularly when it comes to dealing with conflict. For instance, it takes a LOT for me to approach a kid in the hall and ask them why they didn't come to rehearsal that day. It takes a LOT for me to sit and have a serious talk with a student about a problem. It's like, I often am aware of what or who is causing the problem, but I am not always sure how to fix it nor am I willing to step out of my comfort zone to make whatever changes are necessary.

I HAVE gotten better about calling parents...so that's good. I used to be absolutely terrified to call parents, but it's getting easier, probably because I've done it a few times now.

I guess that's always what it comes down to...just forcing myself to do something and it'll eventually get easier. At least I hope that's the way.

I also wish I was a better "salesman". I mean so much of teaching is getting the kids to buy into what you're selling/teaching.  I wish I knew how to get kids to take ownership and be more self-motivated, particularly in Chorus.  I wish they were more interested in singing their parts and learning about their voices than talking to their friend next to them. I've always hoped that kids will eventually catch on and how realize how cool singing and music are, but it seems at the middle school level there has to be more fear involved.

Again, I think that over time I will figure these things out, but it's SOOOOOOOOOOO frustrating to not be there yet. I think about my students and feel guilty that they're not getting to work with a seasoned teacher. I feel like they could get so much more out of their classes if they had a teacher who was more experienced, more strict and more confident.

Blech.

And tomorrow I have to go to school anyway, so I'm planning on getting all kinds of things done. I need like 17 more hours in the day, and then I might actually feel completely prepared for the day. But probably not...

p.s. I promise I'll blog about positive things once in awhile.  I just don't feel the need to sit and write about things when I'm feeling good.